Mothers are the Real Superheroes

In 2005, I married the love of my life. I had come to think I'd never find someone who would love me the way I loved him, and then one day, there he was.
We were in our early thirties and decided we'd begin our family sooner than later. Time went by with no little family members on the horizon.
We met with specialists, went through testing, took medications, underwent procedures, and were ultimately advised we wouldn't be able to have children. There was no medical intervention to assist.
We were devastated. A future we had hoped and prayed for was no longer ours to have. The few friends and family who knew of our efforts did their best to comfort us. Others who suspected our struggle offered other words. Their words didn't help us....
"Obedience begets blessings" .. in other words, if we obey God's commands, he'd give us children.
"Have you prayed? fasted?"
"As soon as you stop thinking about it, it will happen"
"God works in mysterious ways"

Our friends and family had children with such ease. We were surrounded by other couples having families. I wanted to celebrate with them, but found my bitterness and pain growing.

The words of comfort evolved into other suggestions:
"You can always adopt..."
"You can be a wonderful aunt..."
"You are a mommy to your dogs..."

While those words are true, it is in no way a replacement for the desire to be a mom. A desire I'd had since I was a child. A desire I fully expected to be fulfilled.

Several years have gone by since I made my peace with this loss. From time to time my heart aches for the children I've never had. But the years have eased the pain and I'm happy with the life I've chosen.

Each year on Mother's Day I feel I want to honor the women who are mothers. Who have or are still raising a future generation. And somehow, I feel it's a bit of a betrayal to them, when others want to include me in the Mother's Day greetings. I don't say this to diminish my own role in the future of my nieces and nephews.

Mothers work hard to teach their children how to maneuver through life. They put their health, time, money, energy and heart on the line. In all the of the efforts I make in the projects of my life, none have the kind of sacrifice of the mothers I know. Although I recognize that grandmothers, sisters, aunts, and other women help raise children, mothers have a deeper role.

With all this in mind, I have to say, I don't love hearing people try to wish me happy mother's day. I don't want or need to be consoled with words like, "you're a fur baby mommy..." or "you're their aunt...you have helped raise them." True though they be, those words do not put me in the category of a mother. I don't say it out of anger or bitterness...it's a fact. And while I have the heart and strength of a mother, I am not one. The mothers in my life deserve the real honor.

I want to honor my sisters, friends, cousins, aunts and my own mother, who are in fact, mothers, and superheroes.