My Line on Prop 8

This is one Mormon's perspective on Prop 8 - I'm not the first or last to lend my voice to this increasingly hot and bitter issue one way or another. In writing this, I'm not looking for approval or hoping to spark a debate. I'm not looking for salvation or worried that I'll go to hell. In the end it's just my perspective and my feelings.

To begin, it helps to know my foundation:
I grew up in the LDS church - I was baptised at the age of 8, but my parents were inactive most of my teenage years, so we weren't forced to practice; my parents encouraged us to see how our non-LDS friends practiced their faith.
I served a mission in Ecuador in 1994-95 and I loved it! I learned more about my faith and my beliefs during that time and I'm glad I took that opportunity. I was never the missionary that counted baptisms. In fact I didn't count how many people were baptised because I knocked on their door until I'd been home for a couple of years - and I no longer know that number. Numbers don't make a missionary successful.
As a member of the church, it took me a long time to know myself well enough to understand where I stand on political issues and become comfortable in my more liberal skin. I still believe in the fundamentals of the church and in the power of prayer. I do not think I have a corner on the market for compassion, love, blessings or answers to prayers because of my chosen religion.
This is my foundation. This is where I leap from in expressing my thoughts on California's Prop 8 and the Church's involvement.

First, Prop 8: 1. Changes the California Constitution to eliminate the right of same-sex couples to marry in California.
2. Provides that only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.

Second, a letter was read in LDS sacrament meetings on June 29, 2008 ( found in it's entirety here.)
Here's a portion:
"A broad-based coalition of churches and other organizations placed the proposed amendment on the ballot. The Church will participate with this coalition in seeking its passage. Local Church leaders will provide information about how you may become involved in this important cause.
We ask that you do all you can to support the proposed constitutional amendment by donating of your means and time to assure that marriage in California is legally defined as being between a man and a woman. Our best efforts are required to preserve the sacred institution of marriage."

The definition of marriage has changed in the past - and for the better. Consider that marriages for most of history was an exchange in PROPERTY (that property being the wife). It was changed when couples began consenting to marriage and marrying for love. (what a concept)
Marriage was again redefined for the better when interracial marriages were no longer illegal. In 1967 the supreme court ruled that it was unconstitutional to have anti-interracial marriage laws.

Many argue that gay couples can still have civil unions and the rights associated with that. I have a hard time with that particular argument. You can love whoever you want, and you can live with that person and you can share your life with that person in a civil union but in many states if you want to adopt, be a foster parent or be married, those rights aren't yours. In many states civil unions don't allow you to make medical decisions for your partner or cover them on an insurance policy...so exactly what does a civil union afford a couple? The argument reminds me of what I hear when people tell me that if Eric and I can't conceive a child "at least you can adopt." It doesn't change that I want a child of my own with the man that I love and have married.

Another argument I think needs to stop being thrown around is one that goes something like this: "I don't have a problem with people who are gay. Hate the sin, love the sinner." In making that statement you stand in judgement. So in what way don't you "have a problem?" Additionally, in that judgement aren't you also a sinner? That love the sinner crap is a lot like saying, "I'm not racist. I have a friend who's black." I really don't have another statement to offer you to replace that one, but I'm tired of hearing it - as if it somehow makes everything okay. Just stop with that stupid line, already!

And what of this crappy argument that next we'll see people wanting to marry animals!? WTF? Really!? I've read several comments by people who are worried and afraid that this REALLY is the next step! Um, isn't marriage about consent? Yeah, one of those changes in marriage I mentioned earlier. That whole "I Do" thing is critical. So throw that shitty argument right on out.

One thing that has bothered me about the church's involvement and encouragement for members to donate their time and use church phone tree lists, is that it seems to go against what is stated in the our own scripture. I have thoroughly searched and there is NO LAW that says that churches CAN'T endorse political movements. BUT our own scripture does speak out against it: D&C 134:9 "We do not believe it just to amingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied."

Another thought I've had is there are so many bigger issues in this world and this is where we plant ourselves and wage war? Right here? Not on the slavery that is still found in the world, not on human rights issues but on gay marriage?

I'm not saying that the church shouldn't take a stand where it deems worthy. It should. It should help it's members see what's important to their faith. That is the role of our leaders. And because of free agency, we can choose when to follow and to what extent. For me, this was a tough one. I believe that marriage is between a man and a woman BUT I don't believe that gives me the right take marriage away from a gay couple. From my perspective, it is a right, and when one right (any right) is taken away from somebody it matters to me and there is a moral obligation to protect those rights for all. Ultimately I believe in equal rights for all of us.

In the end, when all is said and done, regardless where I stand on gay rights and the definition of marriage and all that is moralistic, something about the extent of the involvement of the church felt wrong. I have a very personal relationship with God and many in the church as well as outside the church do as well. In my understanding of the scriptures, that a believer like myself understands to be the word of God, and through my prayers and relationship with my Father in Heaven, I just felt wrong inside when I heard the movement made by the church. All those arguments aside...all my tithings and activity and belief in my prophet and the leaders of the church aside, it felt wrong. It hurt my heart. My spirit feels bruised. It felt like it was lacking in the true genuine love that is from our God and our Saviour.