Best Thing I've Done for my Health

Way back in October I flew to Boston with Eric and my sister. We had a marvelous time. I saw the wonderful sites of Massachusetts and Maine and went to a Patriots football game with amazing (see into Tom Brady's eyes) seats (cartoon hearts floating above my head and all). (had to load up the photo - LOL!)

Progressively through the year, my low back had been hurting but I'd been working through it, but never did I consider just how much the pain would bring me to my knees.

On the flight home from Boston, sitting in the same position for 6 hours (which turned into 7.5 hours due to a storm over the middle of the country) and the pressure of flying, I was in severe pain. I bit back tears and several times, the tears spilled over. I was shocked that the pain could radiate through my left hip down my leg so completely. There was no position to move into to alleviate the pain or pressure.

(I took this on my cell one night thinking I was simply staring. I didn't realize the pain was written on my face until I saw it.)

The word pain has so many meanings to different people. This pain was different in the three locations in my body: In my low back it was dull but constant and throbbing. In my calf it was like I had a charlie horse 24 hours a day....it never went away. It burned constantly! I kept trying to stretch it out with no results because it wasn't a muscle issue, it was the nerve telling my brain something that wasn't really there! My ankle felt like the bones were rubbing against each other with each and every small movement...like sandpaper scratching. It was a sharp, stabbing pain! I kept thinking little bone pieces were going to break off.

One Friday evening I was feeling like my back was just on the edge of staying together when I went to see my chiropractor. We did a full adjustment and by the time I went to my car, I knew there was something severely wrong! I could still walk but in pain with each step.  By Monday, I didn't want to move at all. The pain was way too much! I lay down on the living room floor and didn't move. I cried. The right word is "sob." My mom came to the house and drugged me up so I could sleep and helped me get up. She was wonderful and stayed with me for three days!

I scheduled an appointment with Dr Petron at the University of Utah Orthopaedic Center and he scheduled a back injection to help relieve the pain and swelling on the nerve in my back which was causing the severe pain in my leg.

On the day of the injection, my pain level was at a level 8 (out of 10), if not higher. I had worked in the ER for 10 years and had never quite understood when patients came in begging in tears for pain medications or injections for their back pain. I can now say I understand how desperate you become on those dark days.

When I met with Dr Petron a week later, he told me something that has motivated me to take action that nothing else has. (Even a looming threat of a scary illness of diabetes wasn't enough!) He said that I MUST lose weight if I don't want to live with this kind of pain the rest of my life. He said there's no guarantee that losing weight will get rid of the pain, but the pressure that weight puts on the back adds to the back pain.  It was the threat of pain that motivated me! He was very frank about the changes I have to make and I have taken them to heart.

He said, in addition to other changes, you must stop drinking soda. To start there.

I am a lover of Coke. I have loved coke for years. I hate the taste of Coke One and Diet Coke. Those just won't do....so giving it up in the past has never been an option (even when I participated in a Biggest Loser weigh off with friends I did not give it up). He basically gave me no choice. Give it up! Walk away. Wash your hands of the soda!

So I did. That day. Done.

The best thing I've done for my health  is to give up all soda!

It's been five months. When I'm craving a soda or carbonated beverages, I replace it with a mixture of soda water and Mio and I've found the carbonation to be pretty satisfying. Water is a favorite of mine these days.

That big change (in addition to a few other changes) has helped me see a weight loss of 21 pounds since October. I'm happy with that change if this is the result! And it's motivating me to make additional healthy changes.

Five months later, my back is still healing and I still have pain spikes from time to time. I had a second back injection in January and I'm hoping it holds me over for a good amount of time. I'm hoping that with additional weight loss I can keep the pain at bay and give time for my back to continue to heal completely. I've learned a lot about how my posture and which movements affect the pain.

Where in the World Have I Been?

I am terribly behind in blogging because I have a difficult time sitting long enough to type up any entry. I have been very busy traveling and playing with Richard's kids and Chance and enjoying what I can.

But I have been in a lot of pain.

Back in March, Eric and I traveled to Virginia and on the long flight I felt a twinge in my back and left hip. My left leg hurt off-and-on for a while but was generally pretty mild. Over the months, the pain increased but I didn't think too much about it. I took Ibuprofen for a while and then began taking Aleve, which helped.

By the time we went to California in August the pain was much more notable in my left hip and leg. So much so, that Sandy helped me do some stretches on her Pilate's machine each morning. They helped relieve some of the pressure.

In late August, I mentioned the back pain to my primary care doctor and he referred me to physical therapy for hip bursitis. He was convinced it was my hip, but I was convinced it was my back. I went to physical therapy a few times but mentioned the pain to my friends and they referred me to their chiropractor.

The chiropractor began to help me for the hip bursitis but quickly agreed with me, that this was a back issue we were dealing with me and referred me to have an MRI.

I went for an MRI on Sept 28 thinking it would be no big deal. It turns out I'm a little bit whole lot claustrophobic.
When they put me in the machine, I tried to remain calm as I waited for the music to turn on, but the music never came. I tried to talk to myself into a calm place, but I could hear my heart rate and my breathing begin to pick up the pace....and then my stomach joined in the panic party.
To make matters worse, the night before the MRI, we'd been to a party and as we'd left, we'd seen a man on a bicycle be hit by a car so with my eyes closed in the machine, his face was all I could see. With my eyes forced open, all I could see was the edge of the MRI machine. This white coffin MRI machine was too close for comfort and The Crazy entered into the thoughts, "what if there's an earthquake?" "what if my vertigo starts?" "OMG, did the earth just shake a little?" ... the pit in my stomach grew two sizes.
Sane Tina tried to intervene and remind The Crazy that this tube has two openings at both ends and that I wasn't truly trapped ..... but I was shaking and breathing heavily and could feel that I was going to lose it any minute ... Once The Crazy got in the Rational side didn't stand a chance....I pushed the panic button before the scan ever even began.
I chuckled with my friends about it later that at least I never got to the place of "what if the zombie apocalypse starts while I'm in here!?" LOL!

I returned for on Oct 3, for the MRI. This time I was given a Valium. I was told it might knock me out. It didn't. But it did keep the panic at bay, for the most part.  I decided to prepare myself by giving myself several images to keep in my head's "happy place." Specifically, Lake Powell:

And, places I'd like to photograph:

I also decided to replay a dream I once had. It was one of my favorite dreams of me walking along the beach. I found beautiful sandcastles that wanted to be washed away by the water. As I complied, they left me beautiful gems: perfect emeralds, rubies, amethysts, etc.





The final thing I decided I would do if began to panic, was to count from1 to 50 and back to 1 again. That would be the ticket. :)

I arrived for the Valium an hour before the MRI and felt myself relax a bit but didn't feel too much and definitely did not konk out. The two techs were so nice helping me get into the machine and explaining the process and we went. They forgot to turn on the music again, but this time they asked me about it and I was able to tell them so the panic didn't even start up. The music was nice.

I didn't realize how loud the machine would be, however, so the music was drowned out by the BOOM, BOOM, BOOM...however, I didn't mind the rhythm of that BOOM, BOOM, BOOM. It reminded me a lot of the trance house music that I listen to when I'm running and I was able to let time pass pretty quickly. Lake Powell images helped a lot. Waterfall images were nice.

Twenty minutes passed by without much of a flinch. Then they moved me deeper into the MRI machine and my heart jumped and my stomached lurched. They were moving onto my lower back and I really had to rely on all the little tricks I'd prepared myself with. The machine got really warm....and told myself, "I'm on a beach laying out...yeah, that's the ticket. At Lake Powell and it's really hot...can't get away from it cuz, it's Lake Powell in June! Yeah! That's right!."

It wasn't much help. Heartbeat started rising.

Okay.
Um.
Waterfalls....pretty waterfalls. 
Nope?
okay.

Um.

Beach.
Waves.
Sandcastles.

Not that either?

Okay.

1...2...3..4........
41..42..43..44..43..42...
wait...which direction was I going?

I got stuck in the 40s every time.

Once in a while I'd have a little devil in my ear saying, "just open your eyes...just see how close you really are to the wall...just do it.....do it, do it...just once."   I never did.

Finally!
Finally! 45 minutes later, they told me they were done and I was being let out (as if I was in prison, or something, geez)...That's when I opened my eyes, on the way out. And I'm so glad I waited, because there wasn't more than a few inches between my nose at the machine.

The results came back a couple of days later. I have two bulging discs in my low back (L4-L5 and L5-S1). It's not uncommon for someone in my age bracket. I've been told that about 80% of 39 year olds will have this; it's part of aging, like wrinkles and gray hair, but only about 20% of the 80% will experience the pain of what I have, and most will heal completely (so there's a lot of hope for me).

Here's my actual image:

You can see the bulge putting pressure on the nerve. This is the nerve that goes to the legs and feet. It's on the left side of the nerve, so only the left leg is affected by this condition. (thank goodness)

I have since been undergoing treatment, but I will talk about that in another entry, when the pain has completely subsided.