Monday, March 29, 2010

Happy Birthday to Marcus

Marcus celebrated his third birthday a couple of days after his birthday. We all drove up to Kamas to help him celebrate.
I love to spend time with Richard and Cynthia and their family. We have so much fun together.

Cynthia always makes the cutest cakes for the kids birthdays. Here's Marcus's "plane cake"

Marcus loves puzzles. Puzzles, puzzles, puzzles. So he got a lot of puzzle gifts.

Singing happy birthday. You can see that James (a cousin) had taken a wee little bit out of the cake. (tee hee hee)

We love piƱatas!

Happy birthday, kiddo!

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Friday Night Videos

I haven't purchased this game, but this review by the Wiiviewr (on YouTube) makes me consider it:


Another Thriller video...but it's kinda cool:


Looks really fantastic. I need to watch the full series, but here's a clip from the 2nd episode, Wonders of the Solar System:


I think I posted this video before (my browser keeps freezing up when I try to go back through), BUT it's worth reposting it. I love this video and I love how touching Mr Rogers's testimony is:


Okay, niether of the next two videos is a new video. Everybody has seen them, but sometimes, oldies are goodies....so here's the grape lady and then the turtle kid:


ha ha ha ha! I like turtles.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Happy Birthday Marcus

Marcus's birthday was on Friday and we hope he had a happy and fun birthday! Here's his birthday video!

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Friday Night Videos

I found this video last Saturday morning before I left my graveyard shift, and I couldn't stop laughing (and coughing). It's still too funny!


The same guy did this one, too. ha ha ha ha! hilarious to me!


One last one from the same guy. I love the "Welcome to Canada" bit, and the way the beaver "smiles" is perfect.


I loved the way this was read two different ways.


BMW does the tablecloth trick:


I've seen this before, but it's cute, so here it is now. The Jungle song:


One of my favorite cartoons of all time was Animaniacs. Here's the intro:


I couldn't have the intro without a couple of clips:




Thursday, March 18, 2010

Thank you!

I wanted to make a quick entry to thank my friends and family for your support. I really needed to say what I needed to say - and be honest about it. I appreciate the phone calls and emails and comments.
I am moving toward that place I desire to be.

Monday, March 15, 2010

"Confession"

I have not been an active member of The Church in three years. I know how disappointing this will be for some of the friends in my life. Please don’t judge too harshly. I still believe what I once believed. I still love my scriptures and prayer but my participation in church activities has dwindled and currently, I am not seeking to return.

I debate with myself on how much I want to share here.

I confess that I feel that the church has turned its back on me and my family in times we needed them – or thought we needed them most. We were faithful members and as faithful members, we were trusting of the leaders of our ward and stake and we turned to the church during times of trial and found ourselves alone all too often.

My grandfather was/is a pedophile (the fact is: you can’t “recover” from pedophilia). He was a bishop in his ward, served a mission with my grandmother, asserted himself as the head of the family…and he was a pedophile. When I was to be baptized, my grandfather told me that I would be forgiven of my sins. I spent a chunk of my life moving past that one statement. I personally turned him in on three separate occasions: to my own bishop, seminary teacher and stake president. Each time, the information was taken and then, there was nothing more. No other mention, except to send me to counseling.

My father was physically and mentally abusive from the time I was six (I still remember that first beating or “pow wow” as he called them) until he had no choice but to stop because we were old enough, and could hurt him more than he could hurt us. I remember, as a child, going to school, church and family events, with bruises on my face and arms from some random beating I had endured. I was never once asked about what happened; not by any one at church and not by teachers. As an adult, I find it unthinkable.

I went to my junior-high school principal when I was 14 years old after a weekend beat-down had been turned on one of my sisters. I was terrified that my dad would find out what I had done and I would get the “spanking” of my life (that was another of his words for what were really beatings). A few days after this, I was called back into the principal’s office and was met by the principal and a state case worker. I was told that my dad was in court at that very moment to face these charges. Not once was I asked to appear or testify, and that evening my dad returned home in a most cheerful mood. There was never any mention of it. I lived in fear that he would discover the truth and turn on me or my siblings.

My last beating came when I was 17! (in front of two friends) I hated him. I hated my mom for letting it happen and never doing anything to prevent it. I hated myself for being afraid and weak. I hated that I had nowhere to turn...not my church, not my family, not my neighbors.

I realized that I must be at fault…somehow I was mistaking these “spankings.” Clearly, no one else perceived that it was abuse – so it must not be. My dad never left the home and we were never removed from the home. By all appearances, all was well in our household. I remember the feeling of despair and guilt and self loathing that followed me afterwards.

I had made my peace and was moving on in my life, when the final shoe from the past fell down with a loud, reverberating thud. My dad had multiple affairs through my teenage years (that we have since confirmed). He had one that lasted ten years and he had a daughter as an outcome. A daughter who is twenty years old. A daughter who knew of us. A daughter, my sister, whom I have never met.

After years of inaction, my mom turned to the church for guidance. She ultimately decided my dad’s betrayal was too much to overlook and she decided to divorce my dad a couple of years ago -- a decision we are so proud she made. My dad faced the church in a court where he was judged on one of the affairs, by other men and faced no accusers. He was given a light “sentence” of one year of disfellowship. One leader later advised my mom to forgive my dad because he, this man, had also had an “indiscretion” in his life and his wife had forgiven him. Indiscretion? Is that what it’s called? No, friend. It’s a betrayal and it's adultery, not an indiscretion.

My dad is now preparing to go to the temple. My dad, who made fun of me for my desire to attend my church meetings when I was a teenager; My dad who told me I was ugly when I was eleven years old and going through the ugly stage that all little girls go through; My dad who called me a slut simply because I was a cheerleader (but I didn’t have my first kiss until I met my husband); My dad who told me, in front of my entire English class my senior year, that I was too dumb to take an advanced English class; My dad who beat us all for the most ridiculous reasons (like eating a life saver, or not doing our homework, or drinking some diet coke, or feeding a stray cat), because he was too guilty to face his own sins, so we paid the price; My dad who we allowed in our adult lives, despite the past, never once listened to our pleas to come to church and be in the temple with us on our wedding days; My dad who now acts like he has no sin, no history of sin, and shudders at a swear word, like his spirit has been so deeply offended; My dad who truly offended my spirit and caused years of pain, self doubt and self loathing……….THIS man has been forgiven by the church I love, where I have found refuge as an adult…he has the mistaken idea that because they will allow him back to church, to participate in the activities of the church, that we must blindly do so as well. And truthfully, I can’t imagine one true bishop or stake president who would say that, but that’s the impression my dad has.

These are the reasons I find that when I attend my meetings, I am filled with anger and pain. I know that I cannot hold all of this against the church…but the truth is this: I no longer find solace there. That is a sad statement in my heart.

This is my confession: I have been inactive as a member of my LDS faith, and I’m not sure I can or will be able to attend with the regularity and faithfulness I once did, or if I can follow the teaching so completely again. I know it’s not The Church’s fault that my dad treated us the way he did, or that my Grandfather was/is who he is, but they are the ones we turned to for help and didn’t receive it.

This is my confession: I want to reach a point of apathy for my dad. I don’t want him in my life; at least for now. I want my distance from him so I can make my peace. I want to move on in my life without that ugly past weighing me down.
The truth be told, I know where to find the peace I seek, but I’m not ready for that step. He doesn’t deserve any of my love, compassion or empathy. Not mine.

This is my confession: We did have good days. I do have great family memories. I am close to my siblings. However, I will not pretend the big pink elephant doesn’t exist...it does exist…it’s ugly…it needs to be purged from my life.

This is my confession.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Friday Night Videos

This week I was still sick with my sinus issue and the cough that always accompanies my sinus issues. Hopefully, I will get some rest this weekend and feel better next week.

Here are my video choices for the night.

A really random video that makes me smile:


Really, really cool video! I really liked it!


I can't help it, but I love America's Next Top Model. I love the lame drama...and the transformations. This week was the beginning of the new season. I didn't watch it (I was in bed, sick) but have been watching scenes on line.




Closet Fan Moment.
I can't help but love this song....I tried not to. But when I hear it, I get all "put my hands up!..."


And, I really really like Lady Gaga!

Saturday, March 6, 2010

Friday Night Videos

This is the story that Fox 13 did on my missing neighbor. The black car in the drive way, is Eric's black car.
 

I watched this episode of Frontline this week. It followed a man who was diagnosed with ALS and who decided to do assisted suicide. It was interesting and hard to watch.


Not really any footage...but it's a "video" of the Chilean earthquake...it goes on forever! And you can hear the total fear in the voices of the family members. Scary stuff:


Halo Reach review:

How Star Trek Should Have Ended; their title, not mine, but I think it's clever and funny:


How LOTR Should Have Ended (again, their title, not mine) - funny!

Safe and Sound

I was home sick, Thursday and Friday. My sinuses have become infected (again) and I have a Rudolph nose from blowing so often.
I meant to stay in bed Friday, but at 6:15 a.m. someone was knocking on our front door. I thought it might be the neighbor because she's had problems in the past and we've told her to come to the house if/when she needs a place to stay. She's never taken us up on that offer.
I answered the door to find a detective and two police officers on my front porch. They asked me if I'd heard anything last night with my neighbors. I told them I had been pretty doped up with NyQuil and hadn't heard anything, but that my dogs hadn't barked either. I told them that at 7:00 p.m., when I'd gone to the store get my prescription, my neighbor (Veronique) and her boyfriend (Charles) were fighting in the front yard...yelling and calling each other names, but that they fight like that frequently.
Our houses share a driveway, and Charles drives a big white truck that he parks in the driveway. He has a home some two blocks away. He was in jail through the holidays for assault on his ex-wife's boyfriend. (I know, I know)
So I told the police that when I left at 7:00, a big black suburban like vehicle pulled up in front of the neighbor's house and Charles got in it...I didn't actually see him get in because I was getting into my own car to leave, but by the time I backed out of the drive way, he was gone and so was that truck. His big white truck was still in the driveway. I waited for my prescription for a while, but got home around 7:30. When I got home, the white truck was gone and there was no more commotion. I went to bed around 10:00 and that was the end of it until 6:15 a.m.
The police asked a series of questions and told me that Veronique was missing.
I was curious but didn't want to be too obvious that I was curious, so I kept peeking out my windows, watching the police come in and out of her house. The Crime Lab came in with big bags and the police tape went up round her front yard and part of our shared driveway.
By this time, I'd read online that at 2:00 a.m. she had pushed the panic button on her alarm panel and told the dispatcher to send the police, but when they got there she was nowhere to be found, but her purse was in the house. I peaked out the window again and found that there were even more police cars...I counted eight and the news vans were beginning to arrive. It was shocking...and I kept thinking - I need to get rest. I'm sick! But I couldn't rest.....no where near it.
Around 9:00 there was another knock on the door and there stood a reporter. Keep in mind, I'm sick...coughing...hacking, sniffling and blowing my nose constantly and they want me to do an interview about my neighbor. Aside from the fact that I don't want to be on the news not knowing shit about my neighbor (which, by the way, I don't) I didn't want to be on the news period...healthy, sick...I doesn't matter. I've seen who they get quotes from and I don't want to be that person.
AND, Although it sounds like I know a lot about her, I really don't. We don't talk. She runs in the house whenever we pull into the driveway. She's friendly enough if you can get her to talk to you, but that's a rare occurrence. She has a lot of drama going on...and we over hear most of it, which is how I know anything about her.
So the reporters are wanting to know what I know about this incident (no more than they), and if I heard anything (nope) and do I think that Charles kidnapped her (?)...I told them I couldn't speak to that because I just don't know. He doesn't seem like the type but you never know.
OH, and did I mention that last year around this time, an exboyfriend of hers held her hostage in her own home for 8 hours? He wasn't anybody I'd ever met (or met since) but when I saw her the next day, she'd clearly been beat up...black and blue everywhere. It's one of the only times she and I really spoke with more than just the hello's of neighbors. We had cried together and hugged and I had told her that we have a spare bedroom if she ever needs to find safety - and we have dogs. She had thanked me. A few weeks later she began dating Charles. She was obviously pretty messed up after the hostage situation...she lost a ton of weight, and she wasn't even pleasantly plump to begin with, so she has become very gaunt.
All this time, we've seen police at her house from time to time and many detectives have knocked on our door asking when we'd seen her last. She is gone for days at a time, staying at Charles's house. Many times she is home but won't answer the door and leaves her car elsewhere so that nobody knows she's home.
Anyway, I didn't tell the reporters any of that information and I could tell they were disappointed by my answers...I didn't sensationalize it enough, I guess. I was relieved to see Veronique's brother walk up and quickly pointed the reporters in his direction. I went inside the house and this time, there was no peaking through the windows.
Around 10:55, I over heard that they had found her. They later divulged that she had hidden in her shelf basement under some blankets. She was so scared that she wouldn't come out until the police showed their ID. About 10 minutes later, the news trucks pulled away with a news story that had died pretty quickly.
I have a hard time understanding how one can ask for the police and then hide from them for eight hours. She had no idea there had been that kind of response and she was pretty embarrassed. She has locked herself in her house again and I doubt we'll see her until Monday or Tuesday.
Here are two pictures I took with my cell phone out one of my front windows:
(her front yard)

(looking more toward the road)

Monday, March 1, 2010

Salt Lake Palympics 2002

I had an incredible opportunity to volunteer during the Paralympics when Salt Lake City was the host city. Now that the Vancouver Olympics have ended, the Paralympics will begin on March 12, 2010. Here are my reflections after my own experience as a volunteer interpreter for the Chilean team during the Paralympics in Salt Lake City.

March 2002
My Paralympic volunteer experience began on a not so special fall day some two years ago. Two friends mentioned they were going to volunteer for the Olympics and thought it would be fun if we all volunteered together. On the day I sent in my application I had no idea what I was in store for. It’s an experience that has touched my heart profoundly and left me feeling proud and honored to have been involved.
Saturday, March 2, 2002 I headed to the village to begin what I’d been training for. Two years I’d waited. I’d watched other volunteers in the Olympics. I’d participated in those games in the nightly events and was eager to jump into my own volunteer experience. My position? NPC assistant – that is to say: National Paralympic Committee assistant – or assistant to a delegation president. In my case I would be one of three assistants to the Chilean “chef de mision” or “president.”
Opening Ceremony for the Paralympics was on Thursday, March 7, 2002. I had the marvelous opportunity to carry the name placard for Chile in the Parade of Nations. Never did I dream of participating in such an exciting way! I knew the cheers weren’t for me, but what an exhilarating experience to feel the electricity from the cheers. The weight of the placard became a distant second thought behind the smiles and joy. The feeling was like when a child sees all the gifts under the Christmas tree and is so happy when she opens the box with the one toy she’s wanted all along. Such elation! I do remember telling myself at one point: “don’t trip and fall” – and I didn’t – thank goodness for that reminder!
After the walk around the “stage,” I found a seat with the other volunteers behind the Spanish and Korean athletes. We enjoyed the music of the amazing violinist Vanessa-Mae (astounding!), Donny Osmond, Billy Gilman, Wynnona Judd and Stevie Wonder. We danced in the stands as the rain cooled us down (not hard to do on a cold night). During Stevie, some of us decided to join the athletes on the field and we danced some more. Some big Norwegian guy swung me around and I decided I’m not so light on my feet, though I didn’t fall (thanks to that earlier reminder—whew!). The evening ended with laughter, rain and anticipation of what would come as the competitions began.
With all the feelings I experienced throughout the games, from anger and hurt to happiness and satisfaction, nothing compares to the compassion and love that would surge through me like an electrical current at the most unsuspecting times. These are the moments when I was reminded with the smallest glimpses of God’s love for all of us.
On Saturday, March 9, we (the athletes, trainers, Gloria and I) headed up to Snow Basin. It was a beautiful day. The sun shone brightly and the sunscreen was passed around. The snow was a perfect white. The stands were full of spectators chattering excitedly. I joined in on the chattering and met several people. Senator Hatch sat by me and we conversed for a while. At the end of the day I got to hold Sarah Wills’ gold medal and flowers—that was just too much fun! I admired it and was going to take a picture, but hadn’t brought my camera — so in the end it’s kind of like the fish that got away. (it was this big!)
I will fondly remember the entire day for those events, but will never forget watching the blind skiers zip down an ice covered mountain at near 65-70 miles per hour. I’d heard about how awesome it was but seeing it in person was far more incredible. I couldn’t stop the tears as each of the blind competitors – men and women – were guided down the mountain by a trainer in front of them. The trainer skis in front of the competitor and guides him/her through the poles and down the mountain with a microphone. The competitor wears an earpiece and follows the instructions. The audience is quiet so the competitor can hear the instructions, but when they cross the finish line, there is a roar that consumes the mountainside.
Every time a skier came off the top of the ridge and down the home stretch, I’d tear up. It was absolutely astounding to watch. I wondered who I would trust so fully to guide me down three stairs, much less a mountainside covered in ice. And then there was the spiritual side…the thought of the ‘still small voice’ that guides us through our own daily mazes, down icy slopes and to the finish line. I thought about what would happen if there was too much noise for the competitor to hear the instructions, or if one day he/she decided to not listen – confident in their own way down the mountain. What a disaster that would be! I realized it’s much that way in life. If we don’t listen to that guide, we would be lost. We may still make it down the mountain but not to the finish line which is just a small gateway in comparison to the vast mountainside. And as I watched the first skier there came a distant echo in my mind: “…for wide is the gate, and broad is the way, that leadeth to destruction and many there be which go in thereat: Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it.” (Matt. 7:13-14) Sure, we may make it to the bottom, so to speak, but not to the finish line, which is where it counts. With every skier I was reminded of that echo and I was truly touched. What an amazing accomplishment! Could I do it if I had to? Would I have the courage and faith to speed my way down the mountain and follow the voice of someone I’d have to trust so completely? The experience has left me inspired and determined to overcome my own shortcomings. I’m left with the desire to act more completely on the faith I have and the courage I want to have.
I went to other inspiring competitions of Sledge Hockey and more Alpine skiing. I loved every minute of it! I ate lunch with the athletes in the village and learned how they became disabled. Their stories of overcoming the most devastating injuries are amazing. No amount of personal difficulties could ever be what these people overcome every day!
The closing ceremony was an absolute blast!! All barriers of language and culture were down. Pictures were taken of amazing people who for a moment crossed paths in life. Everyone danced together. I was asked by a very excited Armenian athlete to trade my coat for his. The only thing he could say that I could understand was: “trade?” and point to his coat, “trade?” I told him his had to fit and I’d trade. It did and he held up the coat and showed it to the other delegation members and cheered something in his native tongue. They all cheered back and I realized he was the last of the nine to trade his coat. He was elated and thanked me profusely! (At least I think he did. I didn’t understand-but his gestures expressed it plainly.) On the bus we (me and another assistant Holly) met two (hotty) hockey referees. We chatted with them about the games and their experiences. They gave us a pin of the Canadian flag. The night was just a huge success in joy and rapture.
Sunday, March 17, the troops moved out. Moving trucks bombarded the Village. Athletes moved their equipment and said their good-byes. The amazing thing about it was, it was hard to tell who the volunteers were and who the athletes and delegations were as everyone had traded coats, hats, shirts, vests, and gloves.
That morning I’d received a call from my chef (Gloria) around 7:00 to take her friends to the airport. The moment I took the call, a pit developed in my gut and a bad feeling overcame me. I looked out the window and saw that some eight to ten inches of snow had fallen and was falling still. As I got ready to go, the “bad feeling” increased; so much so, that I asked my dad to accompany me to the airport. My dad and I decided that it would be best if my dad took me to the Village in the (make it through any amount of snow) suburban and I’d come back home and pick him up in the vehicle allotted to the Chilean delegation and we’d be off to the airport. That was the plan. As we arrived to the village, he was going to drop me off at the gate so I could just walk in, but at the last minute I decided to be dropped off in the parking lot some two blocks away to catch the shuttle into the village. I'm still not sure what made me change my mind like that. By the time I got onto the shuttle I was nauseous and my hands were shaking. I knew I couldn’t go on the errand. On the shuttle I was speaking to another volunteer about the ball tightly wound in my stomach and how bad the weather was. As I told her of my errand, she told me I couldn’t do it. She said it was an unreasonable request and I didn’t have to comply. I thought to myself, "you don't know Gloria. Of course, I can't ditch the errand." As we entered the Village, she insisted I stay in the village. She told me that if I had any problems explaining to Gloria, I could come get her from her office and she’d help me. Once I got inside the village I had to make my final decision on how to handle the situation. I almost went straight to Gloria’s office, but then saw her in another part of the village and suddenly I was running the opposite direction with all my might toward the office where the assistants were stationed. I told my supervisor about my conversation with the lady from the shuttle and she agreed that it was inappropriate and against the rules for me to pick up friends of a delegation member; those friends not being members of the delegation. After discussing it with her a little longer, I decided to make that call to Gloria. She was very upset and called me a liar, telling me that it wasn't against the rules. She said she would come in to speak to me and my supervisor about it. I went to the office where the lady from the shuttle told me I could find her and told her Gloria was coming to speak to us and I’d like her assistance. On the way back to our office, she told me that she is about as high up the chain one can get. She was the only person who had the authority to physically stop me from running the errand! The only one who could take the vehicle away; and she told Gloria she would remove her vehicle if she pushed the issue any further. A very unhappy Gloria, who had no choice but to accept the decision, stormed out of the office. Once the decision was final to not drive in the storm, my feeling disappeared instantly. (The volunteer’s name, by the way, is Jan Wilson—and I will love what she did for me forever!)
I’ve thought about that morning many times. What would’ve happened if I’d been dropped off at the gate and walked in? I’d have run the errand and gone to the airport. What would’ve happened if I’d not bounced my concern off another volunteer? Or she hadn’t sat next to me that morning? She never would’ve stopped me from getting in the car. I later found out that my mom had woken up rather suddenly, after I’d left, with a terrible feeling that something was going to happen to me. I am so grateful for the series of events that took place to prevent me from getting in the vehicle. I don’t know what would’ve happened, but even by the end of that day, I felt a confirmation and I knew it would have been disastrous.
After my delegation checked out of the village, the storm subsided, the sun came out and I had the opportunity to take the Polish delegation around town. They wanted to see “Mormon” and we figured they meant Temple Square. They loved it. They took pictures of every angle of the temple and the surrounding buildings. We took them to the state capital for more pictures. They went shopping for gifts for their family and friends. Later as I was leaving the village exhausted and ready for home, one delegation member approached us and asked, “Park City?” and pointed to himself. I knew I couldn’t say no so I joined another volunteer and drove them for their last views and memories of their stay.
At the Wallmart, as the sun set, one older gentleman came out and breathed in the air and took pictures of the mountains. He had the look on his face that I’ve felt many times in my own travels. The desire to soak in every sound, smell, sight and thought that passes in the moment. He had the look of a man who has worked all his life and led the toughest type of life. He had patchy bald hair and crooked teeth and yet he wanted pictures of his stay. He touched my heart. Watching him soaking in the moment, I wanted to give him everything the world has to offer! I wanted him to never forget his time here. I wanted to know him better and understand his language to hear his life story. For a brief moment, as the light of the setting sun shone through him, I thought I saw him for who he is. No outer shell of scars and hard life, but a light shining brilliantly. The moment passed and he got into the car. The men knew Holly and I had gone out of our way to stay with them and they thanked us for it. The man with the hard life gave us each a rainbow colored fuzz-ball with eyes glued on. A silly little gift, really, but to me it means the world. It was all he had to offer in gratitude. From there, we returned to the Village for our final farewells.
The Paralympics was a time of personal reflection. A time of pure happiness and satisfaction. I never knew going into the games how much they would impact my life. I never knew how close to God I would feel and how grateful I would be for the brief crossing of path’s with people I won’t see again and how they would impact my life. It was a marvelous experience! A treasured time! One I will not soon forget!